How to Geeettttttt Dunked On
by Call Me Bree the Blonde
Summary: My take on the battles with Sans on genocide route. Hope you enjoy!
1. Burned into Hell

I took a shortcut to the center of the last corridor. I make sure to stand visibly in the center. Whatever was coming would be here shortly. For its first time . . .

I could hear the savage taking slow steps down the staircase that led to this corridor. I could see it when it reached the bottom. It took a breath and stretched. Knife already in hand. It savored every second they rode its blood-frenzy high. It let its buzz carry itself close to me.

"Heya. You've been busy, huh?"

It's looking at me like it'd already eaten the meat off my bones and wants to lick the rest for any remaining flavor. Gross.

". . . So, I've got a question for ya. Do you think even the worst person can change . . . ? That everybody can be a good person, if they just try?"

Its expression confirmed that my brother was wrong to believe so.

"Heh heh heh . . . All right. Well, here's another question." My brother's memory stung.

I unmasked my power's presence. "Do you wanna have a bad time?"

A glimmer of fear whisked over the punk.

"Cause if you take another step forward . . . you are REALLY not going to like what happens next."

The fear transitioned into excitement. It advanced.

"Welp. Sorry old lady. This is why I never make promises." I close my eyelids. Focus my energy. "It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing. Flowers are blooming . . . on days like these, kids like you . . ." My power cracks open.

"Should be burning in Hell."

It's petrified to the spot. Overwhelmed with fear.

It stays that way until I throw it against the wall. An otherwise golden wall until I summon bones out of it to slap the fallen creature. What a retching sound it made from its throat on contact. What an echo its thud made when it collapsed to the floor.

I uplift a wave of bones from the ground that swallow it. It drowns in the flurry of hits. Before it can conceive a plan to surface, I sink the bones back down. All the better to aim the Gaster blasters. Four, eight, twelve blasts that engulf it in light. Then my two most powerful to top it off. All direct hits. What a satisfying combo attack.

The blasts' lights dim faster than the lights in its eyes.

I teleport up close to get a nice look as they fade.

"Huh. Always wondered why people never use their strongest attacks first."


	2. Quiche

Some monsters think skeletons' lack of eyeballs impairs their vision. I don't see the point of those glorified marshmallows when we can have sight unimpeded by biological hiccups waiting to happen. Why under Mount Ebott would I bother with cataracts and a nerve that _flips the image upside-down_ when the magic within us gives us unparalleled sight? I wish Gaster was still corporeal enough to lecture at the college. An education would let them know that I could watch the human take furious, shuddering breaths just fine from here. Not to mention a glimpse into a separate timeline we'd fought in. The ease my alternative self succeeded won with dissolved any fear of failure.

It approached me angrily until it stood in the same spot it'd started its last battle on.

"Heya. You look frustrated about something."

It only bared its knife and teeth in response.

"Guess I'm pretty good at my job, huh?"

It's so ready for action. To become a whirlwind of violence and excitement. Unleash some of the dark energy it feels with bloodshed. Lose itself in the flurry of furious combat . . . Cue drawn-out monologue.

"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing." Actually, I'm just as eager to start the action.

I throw it against the wall and slap it down again. The abruptness surprised it into taking the full brunt of the attack. It's still uncoordinated when I summon a forest of tall, upright bones to fly its way. It's knocked back and forth but pulls itself up on its feet.

Four blasters trap it in a square of light. It twists and turns. Looking for a break in the wall or wondering if can jump over. Its disappointed search doesn't last long. Four more blasters lined up at the corners. I quickly shift power onto them. They intersect through the square. It dodges the blunt of the beams.

Not good enough to save you, kiddo.

I blast until its section of the hall is smoking. It gets hard to aim.

The smoke thins. Sunlight from a broken window illuminates a panting outline.

"As I was saying, it's a nice day out." I lift a bone to gesture outside. "Why not relax and take a load off?"

It laughs. "Yes, why don't I?" It plops down and sits cross-legged. It takes a quiche out of item sack. "Recognize this?" It waves the old quiche at me before taking a bite and laughing. Mouth full of the snack I'd made to share with my brother.

It's still laughing when I send a sharpened bone through it's heart.

I turn away from the fading cackle. My eye sockets had begun to water. No eyeballs required.

"D . . . dirty brother killer . . . "


	3. In Your Head

A glimpse into the other timelines tells me everything I need to know.

"Hmm. That expression . . . " I observe as it slinks down the hall. "That's the expression of someone who's died twice in a row. Suffice to say, you look really . . . unsatisfied."

"That's going to change this time."

"It's good you're keeping yourself pumped, pal. While you do that, why don't we make it a third?"

This time, it rushes me with the knife before I can summon any bones or blasters. I dodge with ease. Its feet screech on the tiles as it turns back around. An offended glare on it's face.

"What, do you think I'm going to stand there and take it?"

"Your brother did."

I summon bones to fly out from the floor. A few made satisfying thuds against my opponent.

"Tryin' to mess with my skull by bringing up my brother again, huh?" I make bones rain down from the ceiling as well. It resorts to an odd, ineffective quickstep to dodge. "Didn't know ya wanted to make this personal."

I pause my attack and it shudders to the floor (broken ankle) and flashes me a wicked grin.

"Or maybe you already know that you don't have a snow decahedron's chance in the hotland." I walk closer to it, my shining blue eye illuminating its face the closer I get. "And you're scared." I can see confirmation under the glow.

Its knife hand twitches. I knock the weapon away before it can blink.

"I'll return the favor." I bat it against the side of a pillar and send a glowing blue bone through its skull.

The eyes flutter in a daze until they see the blue. Then they fly open and fixate on what's protruding above its nose.

"I wouldn't advise moving. You know how spirit attacks work. They don't hurt unless you move. And in this case . . . given the position . . . go back to your save point."


	4. Settling In

The anomaly laughed manically at the end of the hall. It spoke as it neared me. "You're giving me a lot of trouble, Sans. Undyne didn't even come close to your power-and she's supposed to be the heroine!" Another unhinged laugh. "I've died thrice in a row now . . . each time as easily as I kill my victims." It slashed. I dodged. "I'll die again this round . . . oh, I know that." It chuckles and once again fails to make contact. "But one of these times . . . I'm going to watch your smile dissolve into dust!" It moves in.

I sidestep and then propel it further with my psychic power. "What comes after thrice anyway?" I ask as it tumbles. "Help me find out."

It tries to regain its footing. I summon a short bone out of the ground to trip it back again. I telekinetically throw it up onto the ceiling and send a blaster to shoot upwards at it. I have another blaster honing in. It pushes diagonally off of the ceiling to avoid the blast and lands in a crouch. The second blaster envelops it in a pulse of light before it can react.

The light clears. Its body is lying flat on the floor. Hair and clothing singed. It sits up and reaches into its pocket. It pulls out a steak in the shape of Mettatron's face and chows down.

". . . really?"

"Don't blame me for what your food stands sell." It finishes up with a gulp. "Mettatron said he was originally built as a human-annihilating robot, but I killed him with one hit. Not to mention countless others . . . what makes you so special?"

Nothing about me is special. I press him into the ground and send sharpened bones flying at him. My friends were the ones who deserved to live. Not me. But if I can get this monster to give up and reset . . . they'll all come back. Maybe even the real Frisk will come back.

It squirms on the ground to avoid a fatal hit. It's still bleeding out too fast to survive long. I pull it up and throw it against a wall. Blood splashes underneath the impact.

I meet its eyes and smile. "I ketchup on the latest health trends."

It makes a special effort to roll its eyes at the bad pun before letting them roll back into its head due to pain.


	5. Technicalities

"Hmm. That expression . . . that's the expression of someone who's died quice in a row."

It looks at me oddly at quice. "Is that really the technical term?"

"Quice? Frice?"

It tilts its head to the side and squints its eyes.

"Welp, won't have to use it again anyways."

"You're a physics genius, but you don't know numeral terminology?"

Here comes the flash of the knife. I watch it pass by. "I was busy with something else." I send a few blasters to hone in. I raise my voice to be heard above the blasts. "Our reports showed a massive anomaly in the timespace continuum. Timelines jumping left and right, stopping and starting . . . "

It weaves through the blasts to attempt another strike at me.

"Until suddenly, everything ends." I thrust the kiddo into a pillar with enough force to crack its ribs and the stone underneath. "Heh heh heh . . ." I push harder and it groans under the pressure. "That's your fault, isn't it?"

It manages to push off of the pillar, but lands clumsily. "Not entirely . . . " It shudder but raises itself up to grin at me. "Oh, yes, I've possessed every human that's fallen down, delivered them to Asgore . . . but my brother . . . Asriel-Flowey, whatever . . . he's had some fun playing this game, too . . . " It laughed. "It took me so long to gather enough determination from the humans to fully manifest! But at last . . . I control the power to reset now . . . !"

It ran at me faster than it should have been able to with that damage. I only just manage to sidestep the blade.

"And with your death, Sans, I'll finally have enough LOVE to be myself again! . . . but you know that, don't you?"

I throw more bones its way, stalling its movements, but its mouth keeps running.

"That's why only now you've gained the will to intervene. You know that I'll take away your perfect, happy ending . . . "

I throw it down onto a pinbed of sharp bones. Stop talking . . .

Its determination lets it gasp a few more words out. "Not that you care too much about reaching that end anyway . . . because no matter what happens . . . it'll all be reset . . . by me, by Asriel, maybe even by Frisk . . ."


	6. Parallel Bars

I raised my hand in a friendly wave as it approached.

"Hmm. That expression . . . that's the expression of someone who's died five times in a row. Convenient, huh?" I wiggle my metacarpals. "That's one for each finger. But soon . . . " I shoot knuckles bones from my finger tips like bullets. It seems unprepared for this and takes more hits than I expected. It quickly closes the gap between us. I shoot more finger bullets. It ducks and rolls beneath the thick of wave before straightening up to slash the blade. I dodge and jump back.

It inspects its side and gingerly picks out a few of the sharper bones that lodged themselves into its skin. I'm sure it'd love to grip its fingers around me just as tightly. It slowly smears its own blood underneath its eyes when it finishes and then pauses contemplatively. "You're letting me take my sweet time . . . "

"A lazy bones like me isn't in much of a rush." I summon a bone to twirl on the toe of my slipper.

"The creature that's quite literally been committing a genocide on your race, your friends, stands before you and you're not eager to finish them?"

I pass the twirling bone to my other foot and it laughs.

"You really have given up, haven't you, Sans?"

I knock the bone up and give it a hard kick towards the anomaly. It sidesteps the projectile with a grin. A grin that falters slightly when it hears the crack of the bone sticking into the wall behind it.

"Buddy. Pal. I'm waiting for one of two things." It unpleasantly drains most of my strength, but I summon a bone cage around it before it can flee. It drops the knife outside of reach. I'm left panting, but it's important for it to pay attention to what I'm about to say. " . . . You to, uh, realize . . . that ya can't beat me . . . reset all this . . . go a different route next time around . . ." Deep breath. That's better. "Or, for that glimmer of a good person inside to regain control. And they'll let themselves die. Because that's the right thing to do."

It's not making an effort to break the bone bars. I may not be getting through to the human whose soul it stole, but at least the anomaly is listening.

"If it weren't for that spark that I see in you . . . I'd let the REAL battle begin right away." I examine its expression and glimpse into the other timelines. It hasn't pushed me to that point yet. "Instead, maybe some talk, some rough-housing can bring out a friend before, well, I rib into them too hard."

"And if you happen to kill me before you get serious, all the better for your dilatory self." It gripped the edge of the bars and stuck its head through. "Too bad for you, Sans! You're waiting on nothing!" It hissed. "I have Frisk incarcerated tighter than I am right now! With the LOVE I've gained, there isn't a force under Mount Ebott that'll free him!"

Frisk, huh? Hearing the name was deeply comforting, somehow. In another timeline we must have been good friends.

I psychically pick up the knife and sling it through my friend's heart.


	7. Food Fight

Wistfully, I see it gaze up the stairs that lead up to the path of destruction that it left behind. Back to a time when it felt like the most powerful force underground. It turns it's back to me and nibbles on something I can't quite see.

"Give me a moment Sans . . . I want a last meal." It takes a last gulp, wipes its mouth on its sleeve, and slowly shuffles around toward me. "If I can't enjoy the simple things, heh heh . . . then there's not much left for me."

"You've died six times in a row now, right? That's the same amount of fingers on a mutant hand. But soon-"

With sudden fluidity, before I can begin the battle, it drops the knife, whips out at glam burger, and throws it my way with spot-on accuracy. I consider dodging, but I stand stoically let the edible sequence make contact with my temple. The buns fly off but the midsection slowly slides down my cranium, undoubtedly leaving a trail of glitter behind.

It giggles at my new accessory. For just a moment I can see something good shine out of those polluted eyes. It runs a hand covered in glitter and dust through its hair, giving it the same glistening effect. It withdraws a legendary hero and tries to throw that at me as well. I snatch the sword-shaped sandwich out of the air and hurl it back the anomaly's way. It sidesteps. I grab the sandwich telekinetically before it hits the ground and "impale" the giggling child gently. The glow came back to its eyes for a bit longer that time.

"I went to Grillby's, you know. Even though no one was around." It kicks the knife towards me. Not malevolently, but as a surrender. "I got this . . . " It pulls out a bottle of ketchup and rolls it from one hand to another contemplatively. There's something in its expression I didn't dare believe . . . remorse? "Along with some other food . . ." It brings out a wrapped up burger. "It . . . probably won't taste the same." Unwrapping the top, it continues, "I made it myself from ingredients that I found there, but you like ketchup on it, right?"

It uncaps my favorite condiment and positively douses the burger in it. "Oh no, sorry, um, let me try again!" It brings out a tray of fries this time and proceeds to dump just as much ketchup on them. Tears, actual tears, start to form in its eyes, eyes that maintain that glow. It throws the bottle towards the wall.

I phase through space to catch it before it makes contact. I walk over to the crying child and place a hand on its head. "Buddy, it's okay . . . " The crying intensifies. I pick up the burger and chomp down on it. "It just has an extra kick of flavor, that's all. See for yourself." I hold it out and the sniffling one takes it.

They nibble softly. "You're right, Sans . . . " They pick up a fry and try to chew that too. I hear a cracking sound and they look positively heartbroken. "I couldn't get the fryer to work . . . I'd hoped they be okay like this but I guess not." They look down, sobbing now.

"Hey, hey . . . buddy, kiddo, that's fine. It's all okay . . . Look what we can do with these instead of, uh, eating them." Picking up a stiff fry, I dip it in the red sauce and use it like a paintbrush to draw a silly face on the tile floor. They giggle and pick up a fry as well. They add a tongue sticking out of the silly face before bursting into tears again. I rub their back and let them get it out.

After a little while, the sobbing slows. They shakily pick up a fry and draw a tick tac toe board. They hand the fry to me, letting me make the first mark. I put an x on a corner. They add their circle to the middle. This goes on until I let them win.

"Ahhh . . . you got me kid."

They laugh and wave at hand. "I know you let me."

"Nope. Junior Jumble is my game."

"I have that, too!" They excitedly pulls out a very carefully folded page.

"I guess despite it all . . . you still like puzzles, huh?"

They nod happily and proudly point out a word.

"Good job bucko. Didja see this one?" I identify another.

"Yup! I've found all of them at some point or another." They beam. But something dark finds its way back into their expression.

"I'm proud of ya, buddy." I pretend like I haven't seen. Maybe, just maybe . . . "Listen. I know you didn't answer me before, but . . . "

They're inching back towards the knife now. Junior Jumble forgotten.

"Somewhere in there, I can feel it. There's a glimmer of a good person inside of you. The memory of someone who once wanted to do the right thing."

They lunge and pick up the knife, but don't attack.

"Someone who, in another time, might have even been . . . a friend?"

They tremble.

"C'mon buddy. Do you remember me? Please, if you're listening . . . let's forget all this, okay? Just lay down the weapon, and well, my job will be a lot easier."

The blade clanks to the floor and they collapse, hugging themselves. "Please Sans, don't let us hurt anyone else!"

I lay a hand on their shoulder. "You're sparing me?" They nod. " . . . Finally buddy. Pal. I know how hard it must be . . . to make that choice. To go back on everything you've worked up to. I want you to know . . . I won't let it go to waste . . . c'mere, pal." I open my arms and they rush into them. I send a poisoned bone into their heart. It should be relatively painless.

"If we're really friends . . . " I whisper in their ear, "You won't come back."

Their body goes heavy in my arms and I lay them down gently next to the ketchup smears. Once I'm sure they're gone I allow myself to laugh with relief. Finally, FINALLY, it was all over! I would never have to stress about resets again, all thanks to my friend that had sacrificed themselves! I owed Frisk (the name suddenly came to mind) more than I could ever say. They had destroyed the anomaly.

"Geeettttttt dunked on!"

I look at the burger and consider eating it but don't. I no longer have to worry about only enjoying the simple things in life now. There's a much larger picture left for me to savor. I only wish my brother were here to share it with me . . .


	8. Friendship

"Hmm. That expression . . . That's the expression of someone who's died seven times in a row! Hey, lucky number seven maybe this time you'll finally-" I stop cold at the look in its eyes. There's something else, something I didn't expect to see. Its shoulders are tensed nearly up to its ears and its grating the tile with every step it takes toward me. It swipes at me, two, four, six times in quick succession that I sidestep with ease. Something strange is happening behind that countenance . . .

I propel myself backwards out of reach after nearly twenty swings. I need to read deeper into this. I can't shake off the feeling the anomaly is giving me. "You, uh, really like swinging that thing around, huh?" I find a faint glimmer in another timeline decide to try something. "Listen. Friendship . . . It's really great, right? Let's quit fighting."

It furiously flicks its wrist and the knife goes blazing towards my sternum. I dodge, but it rips the underarm of my coat before lodging into the wall. It doesn't seem to regret disarming itself. Its definitely glaring enough daggers at me even without it.

"Whoa, you look REALLY pissed off . . ." I close my eyes. Focus more on my search . . .

Ah.

"Heh heh heh . . . Did I getcha?"

It replies with a look that could shatter my heart if I let it.

"Well, if you came back anyway . . . I guess we never really WERE friends, huh?" I shouldn't feel so sad, so betrayed. "Heh. Don't tell the other Sans-es, okay?"

"Hard not to when you can read me with a glance, cartilage-for-bones."

Wow. I'm going to have to make this death painful.

I don't allow my expression to change. "Maybe you shouldn't wave your heart around to be, well, read so easily. But tell something, kiddo. You have enough hate to kill anyone that could be your friend . . . Why?"

"All right I'll tell you my plan, Sansy." It rolls its head and smiles wickedly. "Frisk loves you most of all, you know."

That name-

"Of all the monsters I've made them kill, they resist me the most whenever I see you. Maybe that's why I'm dying so easily. I don't have total control . . . yet. As soon as I'm strong enough, I'll give them a choice . . . They can let me ride them as I destroy all of their friends again in a different timeline . . . Or Frisk can give me their soul." It laughs. "I'm really grateful to you, Sansy . . . The way you pulled Frisk out last time we met . . . I'm sure they'll give it to me now."

Frisk . . .

"Then I'll relax while they save everyone from the underground like the cute little pacifist that they are. Then I'll be free. Free from this underground Hell. Free to take full control of this body and kill all those despicable humans . . . Doesn't that sound like a grand old time?"

I won't let it happen. This ends now. I drop a bone from behind it that tears through its lower back to stick out at the front.

It drops to its knees and coughs up blood onto its hands. "But you . . . asked why, didn't you? Why is this . . . my plan?" Its voice is nearly too raspy to understand. "Well, I can't hold onto the determination to do anything . . . to keep myself from disappearing . . . without termination . . . heh heh . . . get it? De **termination?** "

Suddenly I realize how well the anomaly knows me. From my Grillby's nickname, an insult that would actually get to me, that pun . . . we're friends. If only it didn't let its issues get unforgivably out of control.

"Heh heh . . . good one buddy."

Like any good friend, I'll kill it as many times as I need to until it comes to its senses.


End file.
